Disappointed on myself

[ML fan]

Actually, this is the scenario, I train table tennis daily as well as play matches with clubmates. Now, if I face players that I know I can't win, I am not pressured, I am relax, I think on how to beat them, and sometimes I do.

On the other hand, if I play with players with same level as me, I feel pressured and want to win so badly. Now, I get disappointed so much on my errors. I got angry to myself, I feel pressured, I can't think well, it seems like I am zoning out. Just serve, receive and rally, without thinking well because of pressure, angry and wanting to win so bad.

Sounds absurd, but I have read here that I need to have fun, and not wanting to win.

But, maybe because I feel like I trained more, and wasted more time, energy and $$, I feel pressured that I should have better results in games. Sometimes, I feel really bad and sometimes I want to quit table tennis.

So, how can I really be better? How can I stop wanting to win and just have fun?
How can I improve myself regarding this?

 

[Gozo Zyreruna]

Actually, this is the scenario, I train table tennis daily as well as play matches with clubmates. Now, if I face players that I know I can't win, I am not pressured, I am relax, I think on how to beat them, and sometimes I do.

On the other hand, if I play with players with same level as me, I feel pressured and want to win so badly. Now, I get disappointed so much on my errors. I got angry to myself, I feel pressured, I can't think well, it seems like I am zoning out. Just serve, receive and rally, without thinking well because of pressure, angry and wanting to win so bad.

Sounds absurd, but I have read here that I need to have fun, and not wanting to win.

But, maybe because I feel like I trained more, and wasted more time, energy and $$, I feel pressured that I should have better results in games. Sometimes, I feel really bad and sometimes I want to quit table tennis.

So, how can I really be better? How can I stop wanting to win and just have fun?
How can I improve myself regarding this?

1. You are no pro, specifically you do not derive your income primarily from winning matches.
2. Hence, do not focus on winning which is an end goal and has short term effect.
3. Instead enjoy your journey. For example: Did you hit a winning shot that is Instagram / Tik-Tok worthy yesterday? Enjoy that!
4. Did you perform a technique that 3 months ago you could not? Enjoy that!
5. Did you manage to buy a sheet of Tenergy while on sale and then brag about it on TTD? Enjoy that too...
6. You get my drift.

 

[Taute]

This situation reminds me a lot of myself... I try really hard, I give it my all (at least as much as I can, because sometimes I get really tired at work), but the results aren't always satisfying. It seems like I really don't spare any of my time or money on inventory, but... I'm not having any luck... I can't play? I often think that way.
However, I notice one thing: when I think less about winning against my club colleagues and focus more on the game (where to throw the ball, how to serve, rush less, etc.), I do much better.
I have been playing this sport since school, then there was a very long break and now I have been playing again for 3 years. However, one thing needs to be understood: I will never be a professional (those years are over, and I cannot train 5 days a week for 5 hours), this sport should give me pleasure, and besides, because of my heart problems, it was recommended to me by a doctor.
Now that I've come to play and know my colleagues, I know that they see my weak points and I'm trying to work on them. I know that if I focus on where I'm weaker, I'll improve over time. And I'm consistently striving for that. It doesn't matter at all: I'll score 3 or 9 points, or maybe I'll win, what's important is that I try, without rushing, to analyze my mistakes and try to correct my technique to avoid them. And they're really decreasing.
It is important not to lose positivity and work consistently (in this sport), primarily for pleasure, not for victories.

Another thing I noticed (I think this applies to other sports as well): the more "angry" you get, the more your thoughts turn to this anger and the desire to win, and then you stop thinking "how to win", you start rushing, an avalanche of mistakes pours in, and as a result - defeat and even greater anger.

 

[Tyce]

Do you even enjoy winning at all, then?

If the answer is no, stop competing because you are just torturing yourself.

If the answer is yes, find the conditions that allow you to enjoy the win. Is it only about the points? Is it about how strong the opponent is (on paper)? Is it only good if you manage to hit a world-class winning FH? (been there)

Or, does it really not matter much as long as you get yourself in a flow of playing, maybe have a little fun with your opponent and get a physical workout for it?

To me the answer is pretty simple: if they beat me, they did better. Otherwise they wouldn't have scored more.
All the ifs, buts, should've could've would've no longer applies to a ball that's already been played. It can serve as fuel for a future ball, sure, but that's all it can ever be.

 

[Tyce]

Disclaimer, as someone dealing with chronic mental issues this stuff is peanuts for me nowadays. I struggled with the same kind of stuff in my teens and twenties. I know it's not easy when you're in the middle of it.

Also, rating points really kills the joy for people sensitive to losing to someone weaker. Paper doesn't lie, right? Well it kinda does. Paper rating points tell an extremely limited version of the story.

Say you're playing someone 1000 points higher. You should lose, right? They should have zero fear, right?
What if you've been coaching this player for years and know all of their strengths and weaknesses?
What if they have a really bad day? Or just had a big tournament?
What if you happen to play exactly how they hate it?
1000 points might shrink to 100... Might even be enough to get to 0.

 

[staysmart]

As a beginner, I lost and loose a lot of games to better players. I noticed I lost also to players that didn't seem better, but my play from actual games was way bellow what I did in training or even in free non scored practice.
I started to improve several aspects of my game. Besides technical stuff, one of them was blocking the noise both from outside (I play also in public park and people troll a lot) and from inside (my brain telling me what i did wrong and how i loose).
It helped a lot when I focused on small aspects, like preparing for 3rd ball right after serve, attacking consistently long serves even when I missed because lack of proper skill, body positioning and movement, the moment when I hit the ball - deliberate instead of rushing. I had multiple games when I was 5-6 points behind (like 10 to 5) and decided to focus on the play instead of the score. And things get better.

 

[Lazer]

Actually, this is the scenario, I train table tennis daily as well as play matches with clubmates. Now, if I face players that I know I can't win, I am not pressured, I am relax, I think on how to beat them, and sometimes I do.

On the other hand, if I play with players with same level as me, I feel pressured and want to win so badly. Now, I get disappointed so much on my errors. I got angry to myself, I feel pressured, I can't think well, it seems like I am zoning out. Just serve, receive and rally, without thinking well because of pressure, angry and wanting to win so bad.

Sounds absurd, but I have read here that I need to have fun, and not wanting to win.

But, maybe because I feel like I trained more, and wasted more time, energy and $$, I feel pressured that I should have better results in games. Sometimes, I feel really bad and sometimes I want to quit table tennis.

So, how can I really be better? How can I stop wanting to win and just have fun?
How can I improve myself regarding this?

Training and matcches are different things. In a match its much much more a mental game. You can NOT swich off Your head. You need to be alert to anticipate the next shot from Your opponent.
The short 11 point set is even more mental than the old 21 point set.

When training do a lot of unpredictable exercises like:
1 ball to BH --> 1, 2, or 3 balls to FH
1 ball to BH --> 1, 2, or 3 balls to FH
1 ball to BH --> 1, 2, or 3 balls to FH
....

Cheers
L-zr

 

[Nakira]

Hi,
For me there are two different side for this mental issue:

- You are frustrated because you train more and spend more money that people who still win against you.
I have very often some discussion about this with my kid, who is not "gifted". He trains much more than other kids who beat him. I remind him that everybody has a different DNA, and he has some talents in other fields (school...). He has also the quality of being stubborn, keep training and... start to really bother the gifted ones on tournaments. He learns a lot, especially than hard work can compensate any weakness, and that he will always be able to push limits during his lifetime.
Of course you're an adult, and you don't want to get lectured by a mommy; so my advice is just: keep training more, and one day you will get better than them. It's mathematical, no talent can compensate the lack of training. Be patient, don't give up. You will be so proud, when you will beat them.

- You say you want to win during matches.
There's nothing wrong about wanting to win. You can try to win, but as a long term objective, and use your matches to serve this objective and not just looking at short term.
You already notice that angriness and pressure are not productive. Some strategies are mental preparation exercises before the match, and/or taking the time to breath between each points.
You can also give you technical objectives for your matches, and these objectives should be much more important than winning or loosing. For example, my current one is to take my time during the exchange, and to generate rotation as much as possible. I'm a bad beginner, but when I give myself that type of objective, I play much better.

Good luck!

 

[thisisit]

the extent to which you enjoy winning/get frustrated when losing(they are symptoms of the underlying cause) is a measure of your emotional feebleness.

few ppl have the motivation to push through this emotional imbalance and continue practicing whatever it is that generates those feelings and their aftermath, but even if you are one of them, it's better, imo, to just avoid those situations in the 1st place.

you can either quit and spare yourself(and your opponents because, you probably are not fun to play against either - it's just a guess) the distress, or make the game about other things like @staysmart mentioned. consider you've won(not the actual table tennis match, but a personal table tennis skill game), if you successfully attacked 3/5 of opponent's easily attackable servers, scored 2/5 counter fh topspins, etc.
if you are able to try out the latter, the feeling of progression and fun while playing is pretty much guaranteed.

 

[KM1976]

If you recorded your match then it would be easier, but if not then you can just replay your match mentally and write down the most frustrating things/situations in the matches? Categorize this on -
1. When you are doing serves - what happened?
2. When you receive serve what happened?
3. Openings - Forehand/backhand what happened?
4. Rallies - what happened?

You can write it down - the more text the better at the moment. Now, keep it aside and visit it after few hours when you can read your previous entries from third person's perspective.
Now, pick 1 key skill from each point - you should have 4. If you train regularly then you can distribute your training session based on these findings.
For example, if you serves have less spin or are not short or not low over the net then work on your serves. Same applies for serve receive, work with a partner or a coach to fix it. Once you have started doing this you can also start constructing points and rallies around this approach. You can keep working on your list and try adding more requirements to your practice sessions slowly.
Keep your body language relaxed and try to be light on your feet in your session. Focus on the form and agility and do not force things. Remember form is everything. Once you get tired - take a pause and reset. Learn to think between points and not during the point. Again a coach who has been there done that is the best person to help. All this takes time, just like any other skill but this is how you improve step by step.
If lets say, you lost to an opponent 11-2. If you get a chance to play against same person in a league, then try to better your score set by set match by match. Always think of your score as a baseline from the previous match and start from there. Again (beating a dead horse here) check with a coach or a experienced player who can help. How to adjust to tactical changes, how to steal points, when to slow down when to accelerate. These are subtle changes which have a huge impact on the outcome of a match. Lastly, accept the results not as a insult but as a feedback of your skills.
You can either get frustrated or you can have a learners mindset. Can't be both at the sametime.

Cheers, KM1976

 

[Tyce]

Hi,
For me there are two different side for this mental issue:

- You are frustrated because you train more and spend more money that people who still win against you.
I have very often some discussion about this with my kid, who is not "gifted". He trains much more than other kids who beat him. I remind him that everybody has a different DNA, and he has some talents in other fields (school...). He has also the quality of being stubborn, keep training and... start to really bother the gifted ones on tournaments. He learns a lot, especially than hard work can compensate any weakness, and that he will always be able to push limits during his lifetime.
Of course you're an adult, and you don't want to get lectured by a mommy; so my advice is just: keep training more, and one day you will get better than them. It's mathematical, no talent can compensate the lack of training. Be patient, don't give up. You will be so proud, when you will beat them.

- You say you want to win during matches.
There's nothing wrong about wanting to win. You can try to win, but as a long term objective, and use your matches to serve this objective and not just looking at short term.
You already notice that angriness and pressure are not productive. Some strategies are mental preparation exercises before the match, and/or taking the time to breath between each points.
You can also give you technical objectives for your matches, and these objectives should be much more important than winning or loosing. For example, my current one is to take my time during the exchange, and to generate rotation as much as possible. I'm a bad beginner, but when I give myself that type of objective, I play much better.

Good luck!

Hard work mentality is one of the most underestimated and unrecognized gifts, yet so universally applicable that it might be the most valuable one to have.
Grit is a talent.

 

[blahness]

Actually, this is the scenario, I train table tennis daily as well as play matches with clubmates. Now, if I face players that I know I can't win, I am not pressured, I am relax, I think on how to beat them, and sometimes I do.

On the other hand, if I play with players with same level as me, I feel pressured and want to win so badly. Now, I get disappointed so much on my errors. I got angry to myself, I feel pressured, I can't think well, it seems like I am zoning out. Just serve, receive and rally, without thinking well because of pressure, angry and wanting to win so bad.

Sounds absurd, but I have read here that I need to have fun, and not wanting to win.

But, maybe because I feel like I trained more, and wasted more time, energy and $$, I feel pressured that I should have better results in games. Sometimes, I feel really bad and sometimes I want to quit table tennis.

So, how can I really be better? How can I stop wanting to win and just have fun?
How can I improve myself regarding this?

Yes... let it go and have fun.... stop having expectations and enjoy the process. Laugh some during training and matches. You are not a pro anyways so there is no point bothering too much about winning/losing.

 

[ML fan]

Thank you so much everyone.. your replies helped me so much in my overall mindset on table tennis. Thank you

 

[StreamOfWater]

Table tennis is one of those sports you really have to embrace for what it is. It demands patience and perseverance before consistency shows up. Personally, I never had a proper coach who matched my drive to improve, so I hit many walls and had plenty of days where I came home frustrated and helpless. But the key is to let those moments sink in, analyze them, and make adjustments. Over time, progress does come, and your own time to shine will follow. In this sport, you either let go of your ego while keeping the hunger alive—or you let the ego consume you, and that only leads to slowly resenting the game. It is one of the hardest sports to get hang of for a reason

 

[Tony's Table Tennis]

Thank you so much everyone.. your replies helped me so much in my overall mindset on table tennis. Thank you

its been a few months now
hows the journey been?

 

[SFF_lib]

Actually, this is the scenario, I train table tennis daily as well as play matches with clubmates. Now, if I face players that I know I can't win, I am not pressured, I am relax, I think on how to beat them, and sometimes I do.

On the other hand, if I play with players with same level as me, I feel pressured and want to win so badly. Now, I get disappointed so much on my errors. I got angry to myself, I feel pressured, I can't think well, it seems like I am zoning out. Just serve, receive and rally, without thinking well because of pressure, angry and wanting to win so bad.

Sounds absurd, but I have read here that I need to have fun, and not wanting to win.

But, maybe because I feel like I trained more, and wasted more time, energy and $$, I feel pressured that I should have better results in games. Sometimes, I feel really bad and sometimes I want to quit table tennis.

So, how can I really be better? How can I stop wanting to win and just have fun?
How can I improve myself regarding this?

I hear you, you've put in the daily effort, you train hard, hence it gives you the expectation of high performance.

You're carrying this mental baggage with you when your opponent is at your level. How often does he train? Is he better than my FH? What if I lose?

I get you. Sometimes I get that too. that's why i sometimes go to the social night, less serious, try different strategies etc.

 

[vossi39]

Disappointment is mostly a matter of set expectations.

You CAN NOT WIN ALL your matches. That is a fact even if your opponent is on paper weaker than you. If that would not be the case, you would also not be able to win against opponents which are stronger than you.

If you realize that every match is about probabilities, then you will realize, that you will not win every time. You will win in 8 out of 10, or 6 out of 10 matches etc.

So a loss is always a possible outcome and therefore is nothing to fear or be angry about. Focus on trying to play your best game and accept the fact that it might be today that this is not enough or can not be achieved.

Your form will vary, so what your best table tennis is looking like today, will be different from what it looked yesterday.

Also accept the fact, that your best training table tennis, will be significantly better than your competitive table tennis. This is true for every player. To get your competitive table tennis close to your training table tennis, you need to either get more competitive in training (meaning take it more seriously) or (which i prefer) get more into training mode during your competitions (be more relaxed, focus on play not result etc).

 

[suds79]

we've all likely been there at some point or another. It comes a little with age and mental maturity.

Part of the problem is that we put value in what we are in this game and that when we think about it is just a mistake. It's just a game largely dictated by how much practice time and/or resources one can commit to something. "Oh dang I got beat by this one club mate. Well I would hope so. They play 5 times a week. They should win." Anyways, it just doesn't really matter.

I try to remember this. Ultimately, nobody outside of yourself cares remotely as much of how good of a player you are as you yourself. I'll give you an example of what you can test. Tell some family members about your tournament. See how that goes.
You - "Hey I won my division at my tournament!"
Them - "Oh wow that's great. Congratulations. Where are we eating dinner tonight?"
or
You - "Ah this tournament didn't go all that great."
Them - "Ah that's a bummer. I'm sorry. Where are we eating dinner tonight?"

ie - Nobody really cares all that deeply. They'll respond to what you say but probably 10 seconds after that it's off their mind and we're onto the next thing. Truth be told they probably just care that you enjoy what you're doing.

You from your original post sound like you likely know the truth & answer. You're not a pro. It's not your livelyhood. If you've played or seen enough table tennis you know there's a wide spectrum in skill level. Ultimately we're just somewhere in the middle. Tons of people out there you're better than. Tons of people out there you're not. It's really fine.

 

[land_killer]

I understand the feelings. I feel pretty frustrated too when I performed poorly and lost to someone I am not supposed to. But as many mentioned earlier, we are not pro that need wins to earn money. I may stay upset that night, but next day is another fresh start. You need to let it go until next time to revenge.

Also, it always feels great when you win someone you think that is better than you. That is a very rewarding feeling.

 

[GSpotSniper]

journey before destination