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A lot of people told you the solution to this and you argued to high heavens with them so they left you to go your own way. You need to develop short stroke (forearm and wrist technique. but mostly forearm) that can use small swings at the ball to generate quality on both forehand and backhand for serve return and to some degree for countering. So that you can wait longer and until the last second before initiating the stroke and be less surprised by ball deviations.I actually cut out the ladys quality since she was demolishing me in the other sets. I only put the late 2nd set into the video and since noone would be interested to watch the entire match anyway. So I only picked out the part where I was somewhat in the game. Both first and 2nd set I was like 0 6 behind not understanding whats going on. Even the last and final set I lost 4-11 with her attacking every ball.
In the match I have no time to think about my stroke in detail. I don't have the ability to change my swingpath in little details. It's mostly full up when I take it very late. His serves would land half long or a bit long but never just fast long. The bigger problem was his backspin and his toopspin both with sidespin had the same pace so I just tried to flick somehow on the table and get into the rally. But I was also not allowed to hit to his bh. But by the nature of his serve it wants me to flick to his bh still... Skillissue.
I also seem to rush when I am going for the backhand flick especially and don't predict the balls trajectory right.
Will this solve the problem? Not entirely because stroke preparation is about ball anticipation, so if you anticipate wrongly, you tend to select the wrong stroke. But having backup technique that enables you to play reasonably when you are late is what allows you to take more risks when your anticipation is early. IF you don't have the backup technique, then you are stuck trying to anticipate and generate early, and this will cost you many points out of frustration.
The reality is that you never let any of the serves double bounce or come off the table. So we will never know if the opponent truly served short - you are claiming the serves were perfect but the opponent is not Ma Long, and you probably gave him more credit than he deserved after not getting what you liked early. Many things about table tennis are in your head. You need to get outside your head when someone else is telling you there is a bigger reality out there.