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You have done well for yourself and while no one can give you the credit looking in, you should always remember that. Even professionals go through the same problem you have. Think about someone like Kanak Jha who had to move to Germany or Quadri who eventually move to Portugal or to think about an older time, William Henzell who moved to Europe at 15 from Australia to pursue his dreams in TT. They dominated their homes, but it wasn't enough, to get better, they had to move to a new place and get new challenges. Just how life works in TT, the lessons are usually the same, they just come in different levels and details. But Henzell often talked about the risks he needed to take to do better at the Olympics despite being comfortably at the top of Australia. He had a not-so-great forehand but a terrific backhand (this was the celluloid ball), so he spent a lot of time at the Schlager Academy even when he usually was supposed be in Australia working on his footwork and forehand. He was still the best player in Australia when he retired and could have been the best player for another 4-8 years if he wanted to, but decided it was time to move on.This part right here. As a solo player who got up to 1500RC in a club where there is only 1-2 1200-1300 and rest below 1000. I had to fight and prove myself a lot. So making mistakes was always hard for me. Don't mix it up with loosing because I lost a lot of games in the beginning. I kept surviving and suviving and got to where I am right now playing in the highest league in an environment where my main club has only an average team 6th/10 in the league below this. Environment plays a big role. Being able to play many many matches in a year aswell. For example vs this player I won't be able to play in a match till october or november. Thats around 8-9 months. So there is a lot of pressure knowing that your next chance to beat him is in almost a year..
now you talked about a good point with the kid. I def have the ability to use the rubber from the strength point of view. And if I am relaxed even better. But the reality is its different in match play. I don't have that mindset in the match I am too scared or break my form by wanting too much. I don't say the rubber is bad or that I cant use it. I say it doesn't help with my nervousnes and is not so unforgiving.