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You are not different from anyone else, there are many shots I can do in practice but which I would struggle to do or remember to do in a match, even Ma Long and. FAN Zhendong have things they can do in practice but which they cannot do under match pressure against each other or which they just do not deploy because it is not their real game.You know guys, NL & Tony et al,
I can loop and spin the ball, at least during stroke / practice stage. When I am in high stress situation like playing in an actual point counting set, my old habit of flat hitting / counter-drive / smashes just kick-in automatically. It is like I am not in control anymore. It is when I ended the point, then my brain will tell me, " Gozo, you promise you would loop instead of smash "
Ultimately, a lot of improvement comes down to "why". For me. I had a coach who had developed an adult learner to USATT 2000 (the guy actually wrote a book about it) so I had that as a side goal. Then in the club, I was being coached next to two juniors who started out a little behind me, but later over took me and started beating me consistently. And some of the things I had to do to catch up to them was to stop driving too much on the forehand and to open with spin on the forehand and backhand. I never caught up to them but I had occasional wins and the improvement did help me beat other players and other juniors. When you played in a club like mine at the time, everyone would discuss your weaknesses so if you didn't fix them, they would beat you consistently by playing to them. I used to play just like you Gozo, just at a better level until I lost to a guy who limped 0-3, 0-11 in the 3rd game. I was despondent and when my coach and teammates told me I was losing because I refused to spin the ball, that was when I said enough is enough. I need to do this spin thing.
For me now/today, I see lots of players around me since I moved states from PA to TX who have no clue how good I used to be. So my motivation is to prove myself again from scratch and get my movement to a point where I can play 2000+ level table tennis again especially with countertopspins on the forehand which I think are the biggest gap in my game against equally strong players.
Long story short, nothing you are going through is special for an adult learners, the question is whether you have a strong enough "why" and a good enough development environment to support the why. Because my environment had lots of players and mentors and coaches and tournaments so I could always have an idea of where I stood and what I needed to work on. In fact. When I wad 1900 and lamenting that my game was too weak to get to 2000, my coach told me that I was already there but I just lacked confidence. So I just joined leagues at the closest clubs that had leagues and the leagues, where tou would play about 4 to 8 matches against opponents of competitive strength, made me understand my coaches POV and I got the official rating about 5 months later. Now contrast that with Dallas Texas where I am now where I can't even find a single league to play on a weekly basis. Don't get me wrong, there are strong players in Dallas but I don't think their environment is optimal based on what I have seen. But to be fair, I live far away from the main TT places so maybe stuff is happening that I don't get to see.
I go into this level of detail not to discourage you but to make you realize that this improvement thing, the motivation, the method/work, and the measurement are all important.