i started to play TT again a year ago after a 38 years break. i was so removed that i didn't even know that the sets are not to 21 anymore and that the ball is bigger. i had some memory feeling for the play, but never really learned proper technique of strokes, movement etc, it was more of a hobby recreational club i guess. so i actually started from scratch a year ago. i made quite some progress and there is room for some more, but after one year i feel like i'm trapped in the "what i think i'm doing / what my friends think i'm doing / what i'm actually doing" meme. in free play training at the club i feel and do sort of great (in my perception), enjoy to mimik proper topspin rallies, i think i manage to sometimes do some quality shots, brave effective flicks and clever serves (as per the first part of the meme mentioned above), but as soon as it comes to matchplay i get a reality check and lose against the worst basement junk players. my mental game is non existing. i can be way ahead in aassumed easy match with a much shittier player and then still manage to lose for some stupid mysterious reason... but mind you i still enjoy playing even those matches, i get annoyed but not too disheartened, losing doesn't take away my joy of playing, and i am eager enough to learn to one day flick the fuck out of those garage choppers. but i have to admit it is hard to accept that my headroom for growth is much smaller than i anticipated and would like it to be. there are still some things i am able to & going to learn, sure, but one year after picking up playing again i come to realize that all this systemic training in my club and all the 1:1 lessons i had with a coach are mostly lost on me. i wouldn't dare to take a video of my play, it would look quite different from how i feel & perceive myself. i am soon 52, i smoke, i like to drink, etc. i made quite some progress in the last year, but i have to learn to accept that i will more or less stay on my 1400 TTR or whatever level and enjoy TT without some authority telling me that i don't recover fast enough, that my strokes are too upwards, that my footwork sucks, that i don't have enough variety in my serves, etc etc. and this is all not because i didn't find my defining rubber yet. it's not easy to find the balance between putting effort to learn what you can learn, but accepting that it's not only too late in life, that i might even just not have the talent, that my play is actually below club average, that it will more or less stay that way, but still keep on enjoying playing. i guess it's not easy to enjoy any competitive sport if you are just average in it, even if you love to do it, it just nags...
someone else trapped in the "what i think i'm doing / what my friends think i'm doing / what i'm actually doing" meme? are you a beginner inquiring about player edition blades as if it makes a difference? are you boosting your hurricanes to play with your mates in the school cafeteria? are you very close to show your real potential if you could just find this one gamechanger BH rubber on aliexpress? who else is an aspiring below average player? it's confession time!