How do you politely tell someone you don't want to play with them?

[Der_Echte]

Tough situation. It is always better to have this happen when it is later and possible fewer people in club, then you can focus and having the player do something like push fast to your middle and you try to step around in time. Whatever it is, this is a good chance to practice, but yeah, when people waiiting and there is a win limit, it can really bite in terms of getting the kind of practice you want.

The other alternative is long term. GROW the sport in your region by worming in the schools and get it popular there, then there will be a much better local market and a chance to open up your own club and be a coach.

 

[ajtatosmano2]

I've had the same problem in my previous club. I think after a little practice you can say 'Sorry I want to play with XY, thanks the game.' If he/she is normal, he will understand that you get bored and happy that he/she could play with a stronger player. But if he/she don't want to stop and gets angry you can simply walk away.

In my current club the coach tell you who will be your opponent/practice partner. If you get a weaker player, you that it's for his/her improvement and you will get an equal or stronger player at the next partner change. At match play you can simply ask the coach about the handicaps.
Even if you don't have a coach you can offer handicaps.

 

[ttmonster]

Superlike for this post Dio !

@Shuki : Ultimately you have to figure out for yourself. I am really proud of you and happy that you asked this question. If most of us can find the right solution and practice it in earnest , the table tennis clubs in US will be happier places than they are today and will attract a lot more people.

First and foremost to keep in mind is that you are doing the right thing. Don't stop doing it.

What you could do is set the expectation upfront with the first player you play that you are going to play one game , win or lose and that he can keep the table.
Just tell them that you want to play different levels and practice different things with different people, but you want to play them as well.
When you play them, make sure you make the game competitive , that will be good for both you and the person you are playing.
I will give you a specific example from my experience. Hope this helps.

We had this guy in my old club, he was over 60 and used to work in a kitchen all day. He had amazing stamina and could block everything down with his forehand unless you loop it slow and spinny. He could even adjust to that if you kept doing that to the same place. But he had trouble with topspin serves because he did not kill on his forehand and his backhand was not good . So the easiest way to beat him was do quality topspin serves , even obvious ones to his backhand and then kill the next ball. But after I figured that out, I stopped doing it altogether. I will keep giving him serves he could return and then rally with him and even get beaten. He was happy and I was happy that I was practicing my rallying skills and my footwork. So I would do this for a couple of games and then if I lost I would walk off the table , if I won I will play for a rematch till I was tired and I lost. It did not matter.
When I was taking coaching, my coach told me that her father used to force her to warm up with the most erratic player available before the start of tournament matches on the day of the tournament. He used to force her to play with rubbers that were already worn out. And we are talking about somebody who was a renowned CNT member and multiple medal winners at the international level ( World team championships etc ).

So what I am trying to say is that its difficult to figure out a way to play against people who might not be at your level, but if you are ingenious you will always find out a way to improve your game even when you are playing them. It will always help you to improve your touch, footwork or something else . Definitely, you should play with people who are at your level or above as well and more so. But just take it as another form of challenge , it will force you to think and help you to improve regardless.

You must be a good player and a kind one!

Try to find interest in each game. Every player has something special you can work on. When you don't want to play anymore, I think you should be polite but also clear towards them and honest with yourself. Tell them that you want to stop or you want to practice something else or with someone else. I don't know how old are you, I assume you are young and I think it's a good thing not only for table tennis but for our lives in general, to learn to express ourselves politely and clearly.

 

[passifid]

Superlike for this post Dio !

@Shuki : Ultimately you have to figure out for yourself. I am really proud of you and happy that you asked this question. If most of us can find the right solution and practice it in earnest , the table tennis clubs in US will be happier places than they are today and will attract a lot more people.

First and foremost to keep in mind is that you are doing the right thing. Don't stop doing it.

What you could do is set the expectation upfront with the first player you play that you are going to play one game , win or lose and that he can keep the table.
Just tell them that you want to play different levels and practice different things with different people, but you want to play them as well.
When you play them, make sure you make the game competitive , that will be good for both you and the person you are playing.
I will give you a specific example from my experience. Hope this helps.

We had this guy in my old club, he was over 60 and used to work in a kitchen all day. He had amazing stamina and could block everything down with his forehand unless you loop it slow and spinny. He could even adjust to that if you kept doing that to the same place. But he had trouble with topspin serves because he did not kill on his forehand and his backhand was not good . So the easiest way to beat him was do quality topspin serves , even obvious ones to his backhand and then kill the next ball. But after I figured that out, I stopped doing it altogether. I will keep giving him serves he could return and then rally with him and even get beaten. He was happy and I was happy that I was practicing my rallying skills and my footwork. So I would do this for a couple of games and then if I lost I would walk off the table , if I won I will play for a rematch till I was tired and I lost. It did not matter.
When I was taking coaching, my coach told me that her father used to force her to warm up with the most erratic player available before the start of tournament matches on the day of the tournament. He used to force her to play with rubbers that were already worn out. And we are talking about somebody who was a renowned CNT member and multiple medal winners at the international level ( World team championships etc ).

So what I am trying to say is that its difficult to figure out a way to play against people who might not be at your level, but if you are ingenious you will always find out a way to improve your game even when you are playing them. It will always help you to improve your touch, footwork or something else . Definitely, you should play with people who are at your level or above as well and more so. But just take it as another form of challenge , it will force you to think and help you to improve regardless.

this doesn't help when you have players who cannot even return a ball despite playing regularly for 2 years. i have one guy like this, you cannot practise blocking because he will miss after 2 shots, cannot lob as it goes high and he misses, cannot loop or drive as it goes right past and cannot serve as it outspins him.
i do not mind playing him for 20-30 minutes while chatting however sometimes the club dies down a bit and while i am waiting for a better opponant he will ask to play again in the same night, which is a bit annoying as i will not get the game just finishing.
thats more the tpe of person i'd prefer not to upset as he IS nice but i dont want to play for an hour in a night

 

[ttmonster]

then you have to figure out a way to make him understand your dilemma , you can suggest to him if he is interested that you will try to help him improve his game and not play matches because it does not help him and ask him to find some good people at his level who can help him practice what you taught him . That way you come out as helpful and not rude but most likely he will understand your situation ... but if he keeps stalking you even after this , then you have no other choice to politely refuse him ... being passive aggressive is what we should avoid, don't you agree ?

this doesn't help when you have players who cannot even return a ball despite playing regularly for 2 years. i have one guy like this, you cannot practise blocking because he will miss after 2 shots, cannot lob as it goes high and he misses, cannot loop or drive as it goes right past and cannot serve as it outspins him.
i do not mind playing him for 20-30 minutes while chatting however sometimes the club dies down a bit and while i am waiting for a better opponant he will ask to play again in the same night, which is a bit annoying as i will not get the game just finishing.
thats more the tpe of person i'd prefer not to upset as he IS nice but i dont want to play for an hour in a night

 

[Baal]

I agree with whoever said that it is hard to know what to do depending on club's culture. Also, not everybody is able to be assertive enough to stand up for themselves the way Carl recommends. I also find myself in this dilemma and I really need to force myself to be honest and say "ok, now you've seen some things to work on but now I need to play with XXXXX to work on my own game". This is not easy for me. I used to find myself stuck on the table with a very low level newcomer.

Actually, there are times I don't mind just staying with the low level player for as long as they want. But sometimes I really want to play hard. So I guess, Shuki, you can just do it and figure you are practicing a life skill that will come in handy later when you need to be able to negotiate for yourself (something I am still bad at).

 

[gmiller2233]

Superlike for this post Dio !

@Shuki : Ultimately you have to figure out for yourself. I am really proud of you and happy that you asked this question. If most of us can find the right solution and practice it in earnest , the table tennis clubs in US will be happier places than they are today and will attract a lot more people.

First and foremost to keep in mind is that you are doing the right thing. Don't stop doing it.


Shuki I just want to follow up this really good post from ttmonster. I should also say having played you a few times, and having the opp to (buy chance) train a few times in a group with you I can defiantly say you have a generous nature. That's something I really appreciated. Because of that I can defiantly see where this could become a problem at your club. I will say that a good table tennis club like yours is can be a pretty unfriendly place. After watching players play I have gone up to some of the more advanced players at your club while they are I between matches just to talk ask them about something I seen in there game (not even wanting to play) and I did not even get eye contact. I found it rather hilarious really. But I just wanted to Ecco the point that (within reason reason) you continue your generous ways because it's a real asset to the environment. I also agree with some of the other posters that has suggested that you can honestly and tactfully explains or say that you want to test yourself with x or y player at your lel or above. Reasonable people will understand this and buy explaining this you are also helping them to understand that even though you have a really developed game that it's also important that you use much of your time to challenge yourself and improve your game as well. Quite simply some people just have not had the opportunity to fully experience, or understand this about competition. They get a chance see this process never stops.

 

[petergriffin]

I would suggest faking an injury, preferably a broken arm and/or leg

 

[TTC_001]

I will say,I'm tired ,sorry.

 

[Takkyu_wa_inochi]

personnally there should be gentleman club's rule. I think its horrible for the atmosphere that good players don't play at all with lower players. After all, we were all beginners and were happy to be taught a thing or two by higher ranked players. and there's always somebody stronger than you whom you'd like to knock with as well.

Of course if somebody is 7 levels lower than you, you don't want to play 1 hour with him, but it should be normal to spend 15 or 20 minutes with somebody quite lower than you, and not always the same buddy. Actually it should be a club RULE that anyone should spend this kind of time every open session.

Then there may be some restricted sessions for well defined groups and a well defined timetable. This is absolutely necessary also when there are too many members and not enough tables. At those sessions, no such problems anyway.

I've been in quite a few clubs, and i can see there are douchebags who think they're kings and have all rights because they're a bit better than others. its so lame.

so when you are tired what you should do is tell your usual partner to give a knock to those lower rated guys if he has not done it in the session yet. All those things should be natural actually, a matter of code of honor.

 

[Thomas Jeffcott]

This is a very tricky one, I think what TinyKin has said is correct. There is always something you can learn from lesser players and things you can try out whilst also helping them improve. Of course you need to play with players with a better standard as well though. If you want to play with a better player and a lesser player asks you for a knock just be honest and say you want to play with someone else right now and just say you'll give them a knock later. They'll understand and by the sounds of it they won't be offended as you seem to play with lesser standard players a lot anyway.

 

[Baal]

There are former US team players who play at my club. Once in awhile they will hit with me because they are my friends, but I don't usually ask them and I certainly don't expect it. And when they do, I never abuse the privilege, I always quit first because I don't ever want them to think I am anything other than grateful.

And guess what, sometimes they sometimes they approach me and say, "c'mon, let's go!"

 

[Shuki]

Great responses to the thread, I agree that the different club atmospheres determine what to do differently. Thank you for the kind words and example ttmonster. I also want to thank you gmiller, for your kind words. You've been to our club and understand what it's like being a lower level player there. Our club gives off a vibe that makes you feel so unwelcome and you really need to know which players are kinder before approaching any of them which is virtually impossible. That's why I like to approach new-comers as soon as possible. I've seen them sit on the sidelines throughout the night and I've felt so bad for them.

Luckily for me, I enjoy playing ANY player I haven't played before. Unlucky for me though is that then I'm the only person they're comfortable approaching. I've gotten to a level where the higher level players will approach me and ask me to hit with them, partly because I'm friends with all of them and partly because I can actually give them a game that's moderately enjoyable for them now. They can improve something off of me finally so I don't have to feel guilty about wasting their time putting my paddle down at their table anymore.

I still wouldn't consider myself a good player, but I'm good enough that the good players like to hit with me now. Importance is that when you're lower level you don't kill the ball or try and prove you're good to them. If you just return their balls on the table you'll impress them a lot more than if you get a good smash or loop.

 

[Shuki]

this doesn't help when you have players who cannot even return a ball despite playing regularly for 2 years. i have one guy like this, you cannot practise blocking because he will miss after 2 shots, cannot lob as it goes high and he misses, cannot loop or drive as it goes right past and cannot serve as it outspins him.
i do not mind playing him for 20-30 minutes while chatting however sometimes the club dies down a bit and while i am waiting for a better opponant he will ask to play again in the same night, which is a bit annoying as i will not get the game just finishing.
thats more the tpe of person i'd prefer not to upset as he IS nice but i dont want to play for an hour in a night

If you want to work on something against a player who can't return your ball, don't give them such high quality balls. There are balls they can hit, find the one's they can do, find their strength and play to it. Most new player's I won't give any good serves to. I don't just say after they miss a few of my better serves that they're not good enough to play with, I just tone down what I do to them. Give less spin, less speed. If you can learn to give less just as consistently as you can give more, you can vary the pace of the game against other players in the future. There are lower level players that If I hit the ball with a wicked loop at, they can block them with ease, but then slow the ball down without more spin or anything and their timing is thrown off tremendously, they reach for the ball and fail over and over.

No matter what level your opponent is, there's always something you can work on.

 

[UpSideDownCarl]

This is how I look at the subject. I play with a decent number of guys who are better than me. They range from one or two levels better than me to WAY better than me. Like, for real, Michael Landers and Mark Croitoroo are about 29 levels higher than me. Okay, not that much. But....

Anyway, I also play with a lot of people way lower level than me. In part as a result really.

I have fun with whoever I play with. And I have my own way of working with each person who is lower level than me that makes it work for everyone.

Generally, I feel, the best thing I can do for someone lower level than me is get them having fun. That could mean any number of things. But I generally try not to teach anything. Because, to me, I see way too many players start trying to "coach" lower level players even when they have not been asked. I think, a lot of the time that is fine. But, sometimes it is not. And I can remember being bored to tears by a few guys who were trying to teach me something and may have been correct but were really bad teachers. [emoji2]

So I figure out something that will be fun for me, but also that is fun for the other person. What that is always really depends on the other person and what their level is.

But there is one thing I will say about this: there are times when I need to be playing with people my level and times when I need to be playing with someone higher level than I am too. So I never have a problem drawing boundaries and expressing those things clearly without the need to offend anyone. There is a time and a place for all versions of playing.

So, here are two stories. I am training with a friend. We are at SPiN where table time is done the way they do it in a pool hall. You "rent" one table and you play with whoever you want. I have a table reserved and I am training with this one guy. And a mutual friend comes up and wants to jump in with us. So I say, sure, jump in, and I have him hit with my "training partner" of that day.

I had seen there was a group of three who were rotating by winner all of whom were recreational players, perhaps about 600-800 (USATT rating).

One of them was losing more than the others and so, spend more time waiting. I walked up to him and said, "wanna hit?" We hit for a while. I started hitting with whoever was waiting for next. I got to know these guys and every time I hit with them they had a lot of fun and were super happy. With these guys I just let them blast the ball wherever they wanted and I got pretty much everything back and was giving them easy enough balls so they could keep trying to crush the ball. Every so often I would rip one back or hook the ball around the net. And they would be like: "OMG, how did you do that!!!!" With a big grin on their face. I am pretty confident that I made those three guys day without doing much more than having a little fun.

Okay, next story. I am playing with this guy who drives in from New Jersey to hit with me. He isn't coming to play games or matches. He is coming specifically for the mid-distance loop fest that we do when we hit. I know he doesn't like games. I know he doesn't like it when other people try and mix in. There are a few exceptions to that of guys I know who he likes hitting with. The table time doesn't really matter. But he has driven for an hour to come in and hit specifically with me.

So, Kevin (Can) Wang (semi-pro player from China just under 2500 level) walks up to us and says: "do you want to play doubles?" Now, if I was hitting with anyone else I would jump at the chance to do that. He is with a friend who maybe one level lower than me. And a chance to play with someone that good is always worth it. My friend who came from NJ, he knows Can is about 2500. But I see him give me a look that says, "please, no." So I say to Can: "Hey, Kevin, I'm really sorry. My friend drove in from NJ and he really doesn't like playing games." Now there have been other times when I did say: "heck yeah," to Can when he asked. But this was not the time. And he was totally fine with me saying no honestly and simply. It was not a big thing.

So, it is not only okay to say no to someone worse than you when it is not the right time, it is okay to say no to someone way better than you too.

And of course, when it is the right time to hit with someone lower level than you, there are tons of ways to do it that will be useful to you and the other person.


Sent from Deep Space by Abacus

 

[LucasMcCaine]

finally found this thread,i was looking for ,anyways i was at the club and this guy i've played a couple of times before happens to be there, but now he has some kind of back injury and wanted to play ,(i know its stupid having an injury and wanting to play) ,so we played but its not the same playing with a healthy opponent than with a injured one ,so not to make him feel bad ,because his spine is kind of crooked but still he wanted to play,we played and he "won"all three sets ,but now he starts to brag like he beat me even with an injury,which he did ,but i did let him win ,so tonight he wanted to play again ,but i didnt ,i just said i was tired,but i am kind of pissed at the fact that he, such an A-hole ,should i play again when he's recovered ?he is good im not ignoring this fact ,but i've beaten him before ,sorry for the rambling ,i am kind of pissed still ,

 

[Shuki]

finally found this thread,i was looking for ,anyways i was at the club and this guy i've played a couple of times before happens to be there, but now he has some kind of back injury and wanted to play ,(i know its stupid having an injury and wanting to play) ,so we played but its not the same playing with a healthy opponent than with a injured one ,so not to make him feel bad ,because his spine is kind of crooked but still he wanted to play,we played and he "won"all three sets ,but now he starts to brag like he beat me even with an injury,which he did ,but i did let him win ,so tonight he wanted to play again ,but i didnt ,i just said i was tired,but i am kind of pissed at the fact that he, such an A-hole ,should i play again when he's recovered ?he is good im not ignoring this fact ,but i've beaten him before ,sorry for the rambling ,i am kind of pissed still ,

I know this is easier said than done. But don't worry about their bragging on their wins. Theres a player at my club who's super competitive and I LET him win every time. He brags about how he can beat me easily while others that are above his level cannot. I do this because if he doesn't win he'll throw a fit. The thing is, most players at the club know your level, you don't have to prove anything to them. They know you're not terrible for getting a loss against someone.

Anyway league came around and I decided to kick it up a notch or 12, and obliterate this guy who had been talking shit about how he was better than me. He of course, threw a fit, about how he wasn't playing good and how he always beats me and yada yada. But when you can just ignore those losses and move on you'll be much better off. Remember, the other players at the club know how good you are and they also know you're working on improving. When you work on improving one aspect of your game you're bound to lose against people you regularly beat.

I often get questions on why I don't just go ahead and beat this guy. I just tell them I don't enjoy the game when they're throwing a hissy fit, and I could really care less about the win if it's that important to him.

 

[ttmonster]

Simple thing , next time just play your natural game and beat him. think of him as a handicapped player who wants to play with regular players and over celebrates his win. The first time I played a tournament , I guess about 4-5 years back , I went up against a wheel chair player, he told me the rules about how I have to serve within the parallel etc. etc. He was a damn good blocker and I lost to him. Next time I met him I made sure I give him enough spinny loops that his blocks could not work, just made sure I was not looping to the side lines ... you did your part played nice , now change the game ..

 

[LucasMcCaine]

thaniks guys,well now that you mention it ,i've noticed that when we played last ,his sportmanship is kind of shitty ,you know like talking between points and trying to give me "advice" on my technique and stuff like that ,maybe i should play him and make him sweat his ass off ,but the reality is that win or loose i love to play ,if i win great but if i loose its ok too,but im still fired up ,i cant wait till monday here i go again rambling ,thanks guys