I am blaming myself in matches, how do I stop?

[Michal Dao]

Hey community, I need a help from you.
On a training, I usually play pretty good, so I am not angry, but when I play a match, and I make a mistake i blame myself and getting angry. Everytime I fail a topspin I just say "What the f*** am I doing??? Why I do this sh** again??" so then enemy just need to push all the ball and I will do a work for him, cuz I am so angry that I miss every ball. But i am angry only when I make a mistake, when enemy make a very good topspin, I usually make a compliment, or when he make a net, but apologies, then I dont get mad at all, but when I fail a push or a receive I say "How can I fail a fuc**** push two times in a row?? Why I play so bad right now??" But I am getting angry on myself only in friendly matches or small tournaments, in big tournaments everyone is watching so I say in my head "Dont be angry and nervous, everyone is watching so I need to calm down" and then I play actually and dont make that much mistakes. I want to stop and everytime after training or playing I say "Ok, I need to stop doing this, it is not good" but when I play a match I just dont control myself... But it is happening only in TT. In my life i am very positive, optimist and patient boy. I dont know why i act like this when I play... How can literally STOP? Thanks for replying.

 

[talbon]

Well yes, what's your opinion? Why are you doing this? Nobody knows for you, so nobody can fix it for you.

Many people do this because they want to let their opponent know that usually, they are much better players than what they are currently displaying. This is of course unconvincing and pointless, only serves to comfort the opponent that you are not above him. Unconsciously we all know that a player who's leagues above us is unlikely to lose their temper or show much emotion at all really.

Along the same lines: rehearsing a shot you just missed "this is how it's done", which in the best case lets the opponent see the exact same mistake in your technique a second time, in the worst case comforts him in the fact that you completely misread the ball, or in-between can just be fun because it was a footwork, positioning or timing mistake rather than a problem with the stroke.

We've all been there. If you think this is you too (otherwise skip the rest), then you only need to come to terms with the facts that:
1) it is pointless and generally does you great disservice
2) it makes you look bad and noobish, whereas it is easy to overestimate somebody who plays simple and quiet, and "snowball" a small difference in level in one compartment into a one sided slaughter.
3) there is seldom an easy ball or unforced error in our sport. There are balls you misread, balls you can't consistently return because you lack understanding and technique and practice in some way.

If there is no easy ball there is no reason to get angry over your miss. Plus you know that a poker face will serve you better. Then over time you'll stop doing it.

Edit. Also, match is not practice. The other guy is not trying to make you feel good. Maybe you can take lessons from matches to practice better.

Edit 2. Also, I will add it is more demanding for me to do a good push than a good topspin. Almost any kid and random Joe can do good topspins, at least against a number of balls. Few players have good pushes and work on it. We are rarely told there is any technical depth in pushing, we don't practice it a lot either and it is therefore not so surprising to miss pushes.

 

[anchorschmidt]

You really have to understand that there are no easy balls in table tennis. Even to smash a lob, you need to read the spin correctly and move properly. This is not like amateur tennis, where you have a great margin for error for playing topspins. At non-pro level, seemingly "easy" mistakes are expected. In the end you need to find a tactic that helps you make less mistakes than your opponent.

Even Boll missed a (straightforward for his level) smash at 3:3, 10:10 against Ma Lin in this match.

If he had gotten angry, he would have never won that match.

 

[Michal Dao]

Well yes, what's your opinion? Why are you doing this? Nobody knows for you, so nobody can fix it for you.

Many people do this because they want to let their opponent know that usually, they are much better players than what they are currently displaying. This is of course unconvincing and pointless, only serves to comfort the opponent that you are not above him. Unconsciously we all know that a player who's leagues above us is unlikely to lose their temper or show much emotion at all really.

Along the same lines: rehearsing a shot you just missed "this is how it's done", which in the best case lets the opponent see the exact same mistake in your technique a second time, in the worst case comforts him in the fact that you completely misread the ball, or in-between can just be fun because it was a footwork, positioning or timing mistake rather than a problem with the stroke.

We've all been there. If you think this is you too (otherwise skip the rest), then you only need to come to terms with the facts that:
1) it is pointless and generally does you great disservice
2) it makes you look bad and noobish, whereas it is easy to overestimate somebody who plays simple and quiet, and "snowball" a small difference in level in one compartment into a one sided slaughter.
3) there is seldom an easy ball or unforced error in our sport. There are balls you misread, balls you can't consistently return because you lack understanding and technique and practice in some way.

If there is no easy ball there is no reason to get angry over your miss. Plus you know that a poker face will serve you better. Then over time you'll stop doing it.

You are right, now I get it, maybe I am angry because I normally play alot better, but at the time I want to show my enemy that I dont play that bad, that is why I am angry when I miss easy ball. Now I maybe get it, u Are right that it Is useless and bad, I will try to fix it as you said. Thanks for your very usefull comment.

 

[Michal Dao]

You really have to understand that there are no easy balls in table tennis. Even to smash a lob, you need to read the spin correctly and move properly. This is not like amateur tennis, where you have a great margin for error for playing topspins. At non-pro level, seemingly "easy" mistakes are expected. In the end you need to find a tactic that helps you make less mistakes than your opponent.

Even Boll missed a (straightforward for his level) smash at 3:3, 10:10 against Ma Lin in this match.

If he had gotten angry, he would have never won that match.

On the "easy" balls my head thinks that I will do it 100% so I just smash and dont care about other things like footwork etc. because my head thinks "I got this 100%" that Is mistake that I do alot :/
Timo Boll Is really patient and have steel nervous, I would explode if that would happen to me. The comeback againts Lin Gaoyuan was amazing, and even when he lose, he respect that and never get mad. Really polite player

 

[ttmonster]

improvement in table tennis , in most cases happens by point by point ... no body starts beating higher level players one fine day .. you slowly get closer and then starting pulling away from higher rated players as you get better and better ...

I think you need to lower your expectations of yourself ... only 70%-75% of the level you play in practice translates onto a match , that gap may become smaller for pros , but for amateurs who play it for fun , thats pretty much the conversion rate.

Don't judge your own level by your performance in practice , judge it by your performance in the matches in real conditions not just fun practice matches but when it really matters like a tournament or a league . remember there are no easy balls , there are no easy opponents ...

also, try to reduce the pressure on yourself , one of my coaches used to tell me that in every point in a match you should forget what happend so far, forget the score and play it like 0-0 ... its easier said than done but its worth a try and you could figure out your own though process that relaxes you ...

having too much expectation to perform, making a mistake and then getting scared that you will not be able to meet your own expectations makes you angry .. just play for fun my friend and not just winning , that will help you relax . Whether you win or lose try to focus on the positives of the match not just on the negative. Yes there are learnings that you need to takeaway and tell yourself to correct but on the other hand you should also take the small achievements like a wonderful loop , or a great serve or a nice bloack and remember them ..try to love and enjoy the game , there is enough fun in the game itself to enjoy, you should not just focus on winning or losing ...

 

[Ilia Minkin]

Parts 51-58 of the Learning Table Tennis Series from TTEdge (https://ttedge.com/video-sections/learning-table-tennis) discuss the exact issues you were talking about. They are behind a paywall, but are excellent and techniques described there help. Apart from that, there many other fantastic videos in the series. The key takeaways:

1) Accept and anticipate that you will be nervous. Everyone will be nervous in competetion at some stage, even Ma Long (especially Ma Long, heh?). Simply accept that it is OK to worry and you can play well with butterflies flying around in your stomach. Worrying about being nervous and trying hard to kick away this feeling is a path to a disaster.

2) Most people do the thing you described: after an easy mistake they replay the point in the mind many times and scold themsleves. It destroys confidence and makes them anticipate similar mistakes. The solution is the technique called positive visualization. Instead if replaying the mistake in your mind, imagine the same point, but replace the failed shot with a a desired one and yourself winning the point. You can even make shadowswings of the desired stroke. Sometimes you may see pros doing those shadoswings between points during matches. Positive visualization calms you down and makes you believe that you will make it next time.

Those are the two key points that work for me, but there is a lot more information in LTT videos.

 

[Ilia Minkin]

Positive visualization may sound silly at first, but it is simply a way to convince yourself that you can play well right now. If you can find another way to do that, it should probably work too. I personally remember coming back from 0:2 to win 3:2 after talking to myself between points: "You can play well, you practiced a lot, you have good technique, that was just an unlucky shot". Visualization seems to be a different way to the same point.

 

[yoass]

Positive visualization may sound silly at first, but it is simply a way to convince yourself that you can play well right now.

Letting go and moving on is much harder than it sounds. That is where positive visualization helps. It also helps to actually replay part of the exchange in shadow moves, which is what a lot of top player do. Upon misses they apparently consider unnecessary, you often see a moment of focus, and the move is repeated. This might help regain confidence, and reinfoce muscle memory/motoric automation.

 

[UpSideDownCarl]

Is there any way you could make a short 2 min video of a few things you do while practicing and then a short video of part of one game from one match of yours?

If people can see what you are actually doing in practice and what you are doing in matches, it may be easier to give real feedback.

That being said, there have been a few very good points so far.

1) When you miss a shot in a match that you think you should have made, there is a decent likelihood that you misread the spin on the ball.
2) What happens in practice is not the same as what happens in matches.
3) If you are concerned with what your opponent thinks of your level, that is really going to hold you back. Play each point.

In any racket sport, what your opponent does to the ball largely determines what you can do to the ball. In table tennis, skill, at higher levels becomes more and more about seeing what the opponent does and responding to it. And at lower levels, people think skill in TT is about what they themselves can do to the ball.

And the balls you get to attack in practice may be totally different than the balls you get to attack in a match. If you try to attack a shot in a match and the ball goes into the net or floats wrong, you should not be thinking "HOW DID I MESS UP." You should be thinking things more like this: a) "what was the spin on the ball." b) "how did that player make me misread the spin on the ball." c) "did I see what that player did with his racket."

When I play someone, I will always throw in pushes that are 1) heavy, 2) dead, 3) look like backspin but are actually topspin or sidespin. Higher level players will see all of those things instantly and respond to them well. Players who are not quite as high level will not be as focused, they will be as attentive to seeing what I did with my racket, and they will misread dead, side and top as backspin. And they will also miss the difference between mild backspin and HEAVY.

In match play you have to watch to see those things. You also have to be able to see when an opponent hits a topspin shot with mild topspin, fairly heavy topspin or MEGA HEAVY topspin. You need to respond differently to each of those as well. Also, in match play I can loop, and then loop, and then loop with heavy sidespin and the change from a regular loop to a hook will mess up a certain number of players. Whereas, the higher level players will read each ball separately because they are really paying attention to what I am doing.

Getting better in this sport is much more about seeing what your opponent is doing to the ball and interpreting it correctly, reading the spin and placement of the ball, than many people realize.

When you miss, keep asking yourself, "what did I do OR NOT DO, that caused me to misread the ball, the ball placement and the spin on the ball?"

And always move your feet to the ball.

 

[Garrison]

Force yourself to not rage so long until it is routine

 

[Jaffar Lone]

Hey community, I need a help from you.
On a training, I usually play pretty good, so I am not angry, but when I play a match, and I make a mistake i blame myself and getting angry. Everytime I fail a topspin I just say "What the f*** am I doing??? Why I do this sh** again??" so then enemy just need to push all the ball and I will do a work for him, cuz I am so angry that I miss every ball. But i am angry only when I make a mistake, when enemy make a very good topspin, I usually make a compliment, or when he make a net, but apologies, then I dont get mad at all, but when I fail a push or a receive I say "How can I fail a fuc**** push two times in a row?? Why I play so bad right now??" But I am getting angry on myself only in friendly matches or small tournaments, in big tournaments everyone is watching so I say in my head "Dont be angry and nervous, everyone is watching so I need to calm down" and then I play actually and dont make that much mistakes. I want to stop and everytime after training or playing I say "Ok, I need to stop doing this, it is not good" but when I play a match I just dont control myself... But it is happening only in TT. In my life i am very positive, optimist and patient boy. I dont know why i act like this when I play... How can literally STOP? Thanks for replying.

What you have just mentioned is quite interesting. Kind of reminds me of the way i play at times.. i will say this, it is a good thing to be upset at your errors, IF it means you work on your weaknesses or lack of practice thereof. However if you do that on a consistent basis it is not good. Keeping in mind that it makes it easier for your opponent to beat you if you lose your composure during the match.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[ajtatosmano2]

You know about the problem, so just keep fighting against it. Write a card which says:'Hey man, you gonna lose this way! Calm down!' Every time you feel yourself angry read this card, take a breath and calm down. Do this till you can do it by yourself.

 

[Michal Dao]

improvement in table tennis , in most cases happens by point by point ... no body starts beating higher level players one fine day .. you slowly get closer and then starting pulling away from higher rated players as you get better and better ...

I think you need to lower your expectations of yourself ... only 70%-75% of the level you play in practice translates onto a match , that gap may become smaller for pros , but for amateurs who play it for fun , thats pretty much the conversion rate.

Don't judge your own level by your performance in practice , judge it by your performance in the matches in real conditions not just fun practice matches but when it really matters like a tournament or a league . remember there are no easy balls , there are no easy opponents ...

also, try to reduce the pressure on yourself , one of my coaches used to tell me that in every point in a match you should forget what happend so far, forget the score and play it like 0-0 ... its easier said than done but its worth a try and you could figure out your own though process that relaxes you ...

having too much expectation to perform, making a mistake and then getting scared that you will not be able to meet your own expectations makes you angry .. just play for fun my friend and not just winning , that will help you relax . Whether you win or lose try to focus on the positives of the match not just on the negative. Yes there are learnings that you need to takeaway and tell yourself to correct but on the other hand you should also take the small achievements like a wonderful loop , or a great serve or a nice bloack and remember them ..try to love and enjoy the game , there is enough fun in the game itself to enjoy, you should not just focus on winning or losing ...

You are right, but I dont want to play it only for fun... I want to be one of the best or the best in my country (I am only 14-years old so I have alot of time) I used to play it for fun, but then I wasnt getting better, because I wasnt motivated, but a few months ago I started to find that Table Tennis is something that I really love and dont want to quit it and let all the training and hard-working just dissapear. Everytime when I do a shadow strokes at home I play in my head the moment when I will beat some oppponent that I cant beat right now, but I believe one day I will. So yeah, I have a high expectations from me, and that is why maybe I am so angry when I fail something, but I want have a high expectations. I alway was a competetive boy and when I played something or loved something, I always had a big expectations.

 

[Michal Dao]

@Ilia Minkin On big tournaments I have a positive visualization, but on a small ones I constantly blame myself for fails.

 

[Michal Dao]

Is there any way you could make a short 2 min video of a few things you do while practicing and then a short video of part of one game from one match of yours?

If people can see what you are actually doing in practice and what you are doing in matches, it may be easier to give real feedback.

That being said, there have been a few very good points so far.

1) When you miss a shot in a match that you think you should have made, there is a decent likelihood that you misread the spin on the ball.
2) What happens in practice is not the same as what happens in matches.
3) If you are concerned with what your opponent thinks of your level, that is really going to hold you back. Play each point.

In any racket sport, what your opponent does to the ball largely determines what you can do to the ball. In table tennis, skill, at higher levels becomes more and more about seeing what the opponent does and responding to it. And at lower levels, people think skill in TT is about what they themselves can do to the ball.

And the balls you get to attack in practice may be totally different than the balls you get to attack in a match. If you try to attack a shot in a match and the ball goes into the net or floats wrong, you should not be thinking "HOW DID I MESS UP." You should be thinking things more like this: a) "what was the spin on the ball." b) "how did that player make me misread the spin on the ball." c) "did I see what that player did with his racket."

When I play someone, I will always throw in pushes that are 1) heavy, 2) dead, 3) look like backspin but are actually topspin or sidespin. Higher level players will see all of those things instantly and respond to them well. Players who are not quite as high level will not be as focused, they will be as attentive to seeing what I did with my racket, and they will misread dead, side and top as backspin. And they will also miss the difference between mild backspin and HEAVY.

In match play you have to watch to see those things. You also have to be able to see when an opponent hits a topspin shot with mild topspin, fairly heavy topspin or MEGA HEAVY topspin. You need to respond differently to each of those as well. Also, in match play I can loop, and then loop, and then loop with heavy sidespin and the change from a regular loop to a hook will mess up a certain number of players. Whereas, the higher level players will read each ball separately because they are really paying attention to what I am doing.

Getting better in this sport is much more about seeing what your opponent is doing to the ball and interpreting it correctly, reading the spin and placement of the ball, than many people realize.

When you miss, keep asking yourself, "what did I do OR NOT DO, that caused me to misread the ball, the ball placement and the spin on the ball?"

And always move your feet to the ball.

Well, if I will not to stop doing this, I will maybe need to shoot the video. Yeah, I fail almost all my strokes because I do not read spin well, I train 4 times a week with the same coach and I am accustomed to his backspins and when I play with my friends that dont know how to make a big backspins I just fail almost every topspin I do... I usually win againts there friends, because they are not that good, but I am very angry even when I win, because i fail like 6 topspin every set againts these players. But yeasterday I lost 3-2 to my friend that played ONLY pushes and I fail it all because I was so angry... That is why I decided to post a conversation so you can help. My footwork is pretty good, so I alway move the feet to the ball, but then I fail the topspin because concetrate to my stroke more then what the opponent did.

 

[Michal Dao]

You know about the problem, so just keep fighting against it. Write a card which says:'Hey man, you're gonna lose this way! Calm down!' Every time you feel yourself angry read this card, take a breath and calm down. Do this till you can do it by yourself.

That is really great idea... I will do it and put it into case. Thanks.

 

[ttmonster]

I agree with Carl , lets make the video thing happen , both for practice and for matches. You will be surprised how much people will respond to you when you put the videos up.

That being said , a couple of points :

1. Playing table tennis "for fun" has nothing to do with not winning or getting better ... what meant to say is that you know you want to improve and you also have analyzed your own thought process and figured out that getting angry is during matches is holding you back.

2. This means you have to change your thought process. Positive visualization that Illia suggested is a well known technique used by pros in almost all competitive sports. It should helep you.

3. What I was telling you is to fundamentally change your thought process. Yes every time you are on the table you will give your best, whether its practice with your coach or matches. But you need to clearly think to understand during the game why you are making the mistakes you are making and also think how you can solve it. If you get angry, your mind gets clouded and you won't be able to find these solutions in real time. So you need to figure out a way to stop getting angry. Positive thinking coupled with playing point by point will help, but then you will need let go of your anxiousness to win. You have to just relax and play each point as if only that point matters and you don't care about the entire match. Just try to break it down and focus on each point , relax and don't worry about winning or losing the match, just think what you need to do to win the next point...

 

[suds79]

But yeasterday I lost 3-2 to my friend that played ONLY pushes and I fail it all because I was so angry...

This might have been said by others but in some of your posts I've seen, this "I'm so angry" comment seems to keep coming up & up.

You can have the best coach in the world who can teach you all the right techniques but if you don't have it there mentally or psychologically, which i would argue it sounds like you don't, then you'll never get to where you want to be.

Ask yourself why you're so angry. Are you angry just at that? Go deeper? Are you an angry person in general? Maybe you're just ultra competitive and in this case it's holding you back. (I noted in a post earlier you referred to the person you're playing as your enemy. I would argue that your approach is wrong there. It's a game. They're your opponent. Not your enemy) I don't know I'm not a psychologist. But seems to make sense to me that if you're willing to spend money on coaching to help your strokes, why wouldn't you be willing to spend money to speak to a sports psychologist to help your mental game in all activities you participate in?

If you don't want to do that, I suppose at the very least you could read some self help books. Maybe something on positive thinking or maybe "The Inner Game Of Tennis" which translates very well into table tennis. There is a premise in that book where he talks about trying to stop assigning "that's a good shot" or "that's a bad shot" to every shot you hit. Rather, you simply observe what happens. That shot I hit went in. That shot I hit went out. You're not applying judgment to it. It might be worth a read that could help you.

We've all been frustrated before. But some overall thoughts or mantras I play in my head, not during a match but rather overall to keep a healthy prospective on things are.....

• In any sport, "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose." It's simple but the sooner you can grasp and accept this, the better you'll be. See the best player in the world Ma Long losing to Timo Boll just the other day.
• "Table tennis is not a measure of self worth". Let that one really sink in. We're suppose to be playing this because it's fun right? Then let it be fun. Here's the truth of the matter. I sometimes run into players who snuggle with this thinking everybody is looking at them. Nobody remotely cares about your games, your wins and losses as much as you do. They're all too concerned with their own progression. So all this pressure to strive to get better? It's all put on by just you. Stop doing that. Just try to remember it's just a game and not a measure of self worth. If someone is a better table tennis player, great. But that's where it ends. Doesn't make them a better person.
• Lastly, "There's always someone better". No matter how good or bad at table tennis you are, it's a spectrum and there will be a lot of people in the world who you can beat. And a lot of people in the world who you can't. So stop fussing so much about where you are and enjoy the ride.

PS - in reading through this thread, just saw that you're 14 and the comment "I don't want to play this just for fun. I want to be the best in my country, etc". Sigh. Well, I suppose if you really want to be the best in a country, then you should be a part of a professional table tennis academy where they offer coaching for technique and coaching for sports psychology. But I would chalk your problems up to immaturity. It's hard to explain now but trust me some day when you get older or are ready, you'll simply understand the difference.

 

[songdavid98]

I do self criticism when I play all the time.

However, you have to be constructive about it; don't just insult yourself each time. I see that you're still young, so I understand how easy it is to get salty and cursing yourself out, but it's not like that really helps. So I guess the first step for you is to break the habit by replacing it with another one: do some critical thinking instead.

Missing one easy ball? Miss the same shot twice in a row? There is definitely a reason why that happened, and so I created a habit of finding out where the problem lies and fixing the issue in the middle of a match.

hit the edge of my paddle twice in a row? I ask myself: where is the top of the bounce? am i starting my paddle to low? am I misjudging the timing? Did I misread the ball? (If you can't visualized what the shot looked like, chances are, you misread it)
I try to find the solution and I usually figure it out within 1-2 points.

Good luck dude, and don't give up.